Forgiveness

Forgiveness

Is it appropriate to forgive everyone for every act?
What does Sanatan Dharm say about forgiveness? Is it a virtue, no matter what?
Should there be criteria to forgive? If yes then what are those criteria?

I think that forgiveness is a virtue but it cannot be used for everyone and every time. It depends on individual circumstances.

The most important thing to consider is the act committed and affected person or party.
If the act was against one person then whether that person is the one supposed to forgive or is it someone else.

If it is the same person who is affected and who has the choice to forgive then it solely depends on that person. That person should not be pressurized to take any decision. He should not be threatened, shamed, or bullied for his or her decision. Remember forget and forgive are two different things. In these cases forgiveness depends on forgivers state of mind, character, any other associated issues, the severity of act committed, whether it was an isolated incidence or a repetitive incident, ability to deal with emotions after forgiving, etc.

If the act was committed against person A but person B has to decide whether to forgive or no then person B should assess the situation very carefully, gather as much information as possible, be neutral to both parties, make sure that his decision does not lead to future harm to any party, etc.

If the act was committed against a group of people, community, family, etc. than the decision of forgiveness has to be approached differently, as affected people are many.
If the decision is taken to forgive than some basic criteria should be met:

1. The person who committed the act should genuinely ask for forgiveness.
2. The Person should give reassurance or promise not to repeat the same mistake.
3. Some consequences should be set up for the repeat action.
4. The person should understand the set consequences.
5. It should be assured that forgiveness does not lead to more destruction, damage, and devastation. In other words, it has to be mindful forgiveness.
6. The forgiving person should take responsibility for repeat occurrences and its results.
7. The forgiving person should have a solid plan and means to deal with the recurrence of action as well as a plan to ensure the safety of the affected people.

If everyone gets forgiveness every time and for all actions then there will be no need for jails, prisons, etc. Everyone will be out and free.
Does not our Dharm tell us to fight for justice? Is sitting quietly not Akarnmayata? Think, did Vishnu, Shiv, Ram, Krisn always forgave everyone?
It is important to understand whether the said act was harmful to society or for one person. Forgiver should consider this.
Also, remember that forgiveness may make some people believe that it is okay to keep doing that act. Make sure that forgiveness does not become an endorsement for the culprit's actions.
Another point is- can the forgiving person live with dignity afterward, knowing that he should have tried to give justice to the suffering party.
Also, there is a difference in forgiveness and trusting again. Even after forgiving take appropriate steps to keep your people safe.

Some believe that Prithviraj Chauhan forgave Mohammad Gore, multiple times(?) and this led to more destruction, damage, misery, death, and devastation. Do you think Prithviraj Chauhan did the right thing?

Will you approach the following two situations in same way and forgive in both instances?

1. A fifty years old man rapes a ten year old girl.
2. A forty year old women yells obscenities at you while you are trying to finish your work.

People ask whether Capital punishment is Dharmic?

Before answering this question, think about the killing of Ravan by Ram and Kurushetra war killings. These are different than Capital punishment as both parties are fighting and anyone can kill anyone. In Capital punishment, the person receiving the punishment is not free to fight or save himself/herself. There may be a court case with all the arguments, proofs but finally at the time of punishment the accused person has no choice other than to go through it.
Now think of people killed by Visnu's chakra, Shiv's noose, and Trishul, Krish's Sudarshan Chakra. Were not these capital punishments? Were these Dharmic or Adharmic? I think you got your answer.

If someone is receiving capital punishment and this, in turn, leads to a safe and peaceful society, is it not for the larger good and Dharmic?

Now the question is who decides about bad or good acts and people. When so-called good people are beheaded by so-called evil ones, people curse that evil person. If an evil person is killed by a good person, people celebrate and call it a victory of truth over evil. So, who is evil and who is good? For this, you have to consider the Dharm Lakshans and figure out who is on the Dharmic path. It is everyone's judgment.

क्षमा धर्म के दस लक्षणो मे वर्णित है
"ब्रह्मचर्य, सत्य, तप, दान, संयम, क्षमा, शौच, अहिंसा, शांति और अस्तेय इन दस अंगों से युक्त होने पर ही धर्म की वृद्धि होती है।"
रेफरेंस:-
धॄति: क्षमा दमोऽस्तेयं शौचमिन्द्रियनिग्रह:।
धीर्विद्या सत्यमक्रोधो दशकं धर्मलक्षणम्॥

हमारे महापुरुषों का मत है, कि क्षमा मांग लेना फिर भी आसान है मगर किसी को क्षमा कर देना कदापि आसान काम नहीं। क्षमा सबके बस की बात नहीं तभी तो कहा गया है कि " क्षमा वीरस्य भूषणं और क्षमा वाणीस्य भूषणं " क्षमा साहसी लोगों का आभूषण है और क्षमा वाणी का भी आभूषण है।
बलवान वो नहीं जो किसी को दण्ड देने की सामर्थ्य रखता हो अपितु बलवान वो है जो किसी को क्षमा करने की सामर्थ्य रखता हो। अगर आप किसी को क्षमा करने का साहस रखते हैं तो सच मानिये कि आप एक शक्तिशाली सम्पदा के धनी हैं और इसी कारण आप सबके प्रिय भी बन जाते हैं।
आजकल परिवारों में अशांति और क्लेश का एक प्रमुख कारण यह भी है कि हमारे जीवन से और जबान से क्षमा नाम का गुण लगभग गायब सा हो गया है। दूसरों को क्षमा करने की आदत डाल लो जीवन की बहुत समस्याओं से बच जाओगे। जिसके जीवन एवं जिह्वा में क्षमा है, उसके जीवन में सुख है, शांति है, आनंद है।

केवलमात्र क्षमा ही उचित नही है
अहिंसा परमो धर्मः धर्म हिंसा तथैव च: अर्थ – अहिंसा ही परम धर्म है पर धर्म की रक्षा के लिए कि गयी धर्म हिंसा उससे भी बड़ा धर्म है।

Another important point to consider is that Swadharm is important. Everyone has a Dharm and he/she should follow his/her own Dharm. Following other's Dharm is dangerous. Prithvi has her own Dharm. She does not follow the Dharm of Surya. The electron has its own Dharm, it does not follow the Dharm of a neutron.

स्वधर्मे निधनं श्रेयः परधर्मो भयावहः।

Types of Forgiveness:
Apkar--to those who are not going to improve anyway, those who do not matter to you.
Upkar--to those who are elder to you or whom you respect.
Vikaam- to those whom you can not say anything as they are in power position or you need some favors from them.
Vachan- Forgiveness as you believe in it or because Rishis said it.
Swabhav- It is your nature to forgive.
First three types are non spiritual. Last two types help in our spiritual upliftment.

Whenever in doubt listen to your consciousness or inner voice.

Forgiveness or Kshama
Forgiveness means not to hold anger, resentment, revenge feelings, etc., against someone. Forgiveness is a choice. It is a quality that can be developed and improved. It can be one-sided or mutual. It can be for self or others.
Mainly it is for us. After forgiving, we can focus on things important to us. Otherwise, we will keep thinking about that person or incident, leading to more karmic entanglement.

Forgiveness does not mean accepting unfairness and abuse. Forgiveness is not an endorsement of wrongdoings. It is not a sign of weakness. Do whatever is needed to uphold the Dharma but do not accumulate hate and intolerance inside you.

Forgiveness is not a completely benign act. There are consequences of forgiveness if given to the wrong people at the wrong place and time. It may even encourage people who are on the wrong side or path and may become a danger to many.

There is no forgiveness for our Karmas. What you do for others, you ultimately do for yourself. Forgiveness does not apply here.

Types of Forgiveness:

1. Non-spiritual- when you look down on people and forgive them as they are not worthy of your attention and do not matter to you or you are afraid of your safety. Apkar Kshama
2. Non-Spiritual- when unwillingly given to elders, respected people, etc., because you do not want to argue with them and show disrespect. You have societal gratitude for them as they have done something for you in the past. Upkar Kshama
3. Non-Spiritual - when given to people in power positions as you have no other option and need favors from them. Vipak Kshama
4. Spiritual- You forgive someone irrespective of their social status and relationship to you as you know ( from spiritually elevated people and ancient texts) that it is a virtue, and you are trying to improve or develop your qualities. Vachan Kshama

5. Spiritual- forgiveness is your nature. It comes from your consciousness. You understand that everyone is on a different journey in this world, and there is Divine inside everyone. This type of forgiveness is not dependent on the person or act, whether the person deserves forgiveness or not. Swabhav Kshama

   सतां हि सन्देहपदेषु वस्तुषु प्रमाणमन्तःकरणप्रवृत्त्यः.
   "अहिंसा परमो धर्मः,
   धर्म हिंसा तदैव च l
   अर्थात - अहिंसा मनुष्य का परम धर्म है..
   किन्तु धर्म की रक्षा के लिए हिंसा करना उससे भी श्रेष्ठ है.
   क्षमा या माफी या सोरी, ये सब बेतुके है । क्योंकि ये मांगे जाते है ।
   प्रायश्चित ही सर्वोत्तम है क्योंकि ये करना पड़ता है

Forgiveness in Yog:
In eight limbs of ashtang yog, there is no mention or concept of forgiveness. Yog is a individual journey and evolution. Forgiveness automatically comes as we progress on yog path. There are no specific practices to forgive. With the practice of ashtang yog principles, equanimity comes automatically. We have to focus on ourselves and our karmas, not on others karmas.

Movies on forgiveness:
Rubaru Roshni
Door
Ankush
Maasoom

Documentary: Explained Apologies on Netflix

Bharti Raizada

Michchhāmi Dukkaḍaṃ

क्षमा वीरस्य भूषणं।
क्षमा (करना एवं माँगना दोनों) साहसी एवं वीर हृदय के व्यक्तियों का आभूषण है।
क्षमापना के महापर्व पर, अपने अज्ञान (अनजाने) एवं अहम (जानते हुए भी) के कारण आपके प्रति किये गये किसी भी ऐसे व्यवहार के लिए, जिससे आपको कष्ट हुआ हो, मैं हृदय से क्षमा माँगता हूँ।
क्षमा कर्म से, क्षमा वचन से, क्षमा हृदय से चाहूँ मैं,
क्षमा वीर ही परम वीर है, क्षमा आपसे चाहूँ मैं,
एक अहम है, ज्ञान विषम है, भूल अवश्यम्भावी है,
स्नेह आपका सम्बल मेरा, क्षमा जोड़ कर चाहूँ मैं।
मिच्छामि दुक्कड़म
I apologize for all my deeds knowingly or unknowingly that hurt you on this occasion of Kshmawaani.
Michchami (Mithya, untrue, undone) Dukkadam (Dushkarma, bad deeds) = May all my bad deeds be undone. If I have caused any harm to you physically, verbally, mentally, please forgive me, and I forgive all beings holding animosity against none on this auspicious occasion of Samvatsarik Pratikraman and Paryushan.

Hoʻoponopono is a traditional Hawaiian practice of reconciliation and forgiveness. It is practiced by Indigenous Hawaiian healers, often within the extended family by a family member.
"Hoʻoponopono" is defined in the Hawaiian Dictionary as:
(a) "To put to rights; to put in order or shape, correct, revise, adjust, amend, regulate, arrange, rectify, tidy up make orderly or neat, administer, superintend, supervise, manage, edit, work carefully or neatly; to make ready, as canoemen preparing to catch a wave."
(b) "Mental cleansing: family conferences in which relationships were set right (hoʻoponopono) through prayer, discussion, confession, repentance, and mutual restitution and forgiveness."
Hoʻoponopono corrects, restores and maintains good relationships among family members and with their god(s) by getting to the causes and sources of trouble. Usually the most senior member of the family conducts it. He or she gathers the family together. If the family is unable to work through a problem, they turn to a respected outsider.
The process begins with prayer. A statement of the problem is made, and the transgression discussed. Family members are expected to work problems through and cooperate, not "hold fast to the fault". One or more periods of silence may be taken for reflection on the entanglement of emotions and injuries. Everyone's feelings are acknowledged. Then confession, repentance and forgiveness take place. Everyone releases (kala) each other, letting go. They cut off the past (ʻoki), and together they close the event with a ceremonial feast, called pani, which often included eating limu kala or kala seaweed, symbolic of the release. In a form used by the family of kahuna Makaweliweli of the island of Molokaʻi, the completion of hoʻoponopono is represented by giving the person forgiven a lei made from the fruit of the hala tree.

1. Forgiveness Doesn't Excuse: Forgiveness acknowledges the hurt inflicted, but it doesn't condone the actions of the one who caused it. This distinction allows you to heal without minimizing the severity of the situation.
2. Forgiveness Sets You Free: Holding onto resentment is like carrying a heavy burden. Forgiveness, even when challenging, releases you from that burden and frees you to pursue inner peace and happiness.
3. Forgiveness is a Process, Not a One-Time Event: Moving on from deep wounds takes time and effort. Expect ups and downs as you navigate your personal journey of forgiveness, and practice patience with yourself.
4. You Can Forgive Without Reconciliation: Forgiveness is primarily for your own well-being and doesn't necessitate reconciliation with the one who hurt you. Choose the path that promotes your healing, even if it involves maintaining distance.
5. Forgiveness Requires Facing the Pain: Ignoring the hurt might seem easier, but true healing involves acknowledging and processing the pain. Allow yourself to feel the emotions, then work through them with healthy coping mechanisms.
6. Seek Support and Guidance: Forgiveness can be a complex and emotionally charged process. Don't hesitate to seek support from trusted friends, family, therapists, or spiritual communities.
7. Forgiveness Doesn't Change the Past, but it Transforms Your Present: While you can't erase the past, forgiveness empowers you to change your relationship with it. It doesn't erase the memories, but it alters your emotional response to them, enabling you to move forward.
8. Choose Hope and Beauty: Even after experiencing profound pain, you can choose to hope for a brighter future. Embrace the possibility of rebuilding your life and finding joy and beauty amidst the scars.