We have so many relations. Some of these are beautiful and some are a stress. How do we decide whether to stay in a relationship or leave?
There are differences of opinion, misunderstandings, miscommunications, intolerance, etc. in relationships. These can be worked upon and corrected. However, when one party is not even attentively listening, acknowledging grievances, or is dismissing feelings and emotions then where is the middle path? If one person is not willing to listen and provide support to overcome the previous traumas in the relationship then how can there be a new start?
It is okay to adjust but not at the cost of losing ourselves and our values and beliefs. Clarity gives confidence, growth, and happiness. Always keep the clarity in front of you and see if you can move towards your goal while living with that person or not. If the other person is trying to create obstacles in your path, making you fall, confusing you, and not letting you live peacefully, then take a firm decision and walk away.
Walk away if there is no respect, there is selfishness, there is no responsibility, there is no trust, there is abuse and cheating, there is incompatibility, there is emotional immaturity, there is a compromise in personal space and happiness, there is abondonment, when you are lost and held back, when there is no opportunity for spiritual growth, when people are jealous of each other’s progress, victories, and rewards.
Braking up is better than repeated emotional traumas. Separation is not failure. It is success in identifying the issues, success in finding out that we are not compatible, success in prioritizing our values, success in willingness to explore the next unknown chapter of life, etc.
Counseling and mediation are helpful if two people do not know the issues creating problems and their solutions. If issues are clear and solutions are on the table but one person is not willing to pickup and work on those solutions, then even the counselors and mediators cannot help.
It is very important to save our energies and focus. This can be achieved by consistent efforts and clarity but at the same time we need to eliminate negative forces and energies. Brahmacharya is an important part of Yog, it is a Yam. Brahmacharya means conserving energy to do yog sadhna, sewa and aligning ourselves with good things in the community and cosmos. This may require working towards destroying evil forces. Ram killed Rakshasas so that Yogis can continue their tapasya.
We are told to see the glass half full, not half empty. However, the facts remain the same whether we see it half full or half empty. We need to decide for ourselves if the glass is really half full or it is almost empty, what kind of stuff is in the glass, and do we really need a glass or it is unnecessarily taking our time, attention, energy, etc.? Change in perception does not change reality.
Remember that glass has the potential to be filled with whatever elevates us on our journey. We should be happy with what we have but should not we strive for better things even if it means rejecting the original glass completely? It takes courage and optimism to say No and abondon the things that are depleting our inner peace and look for new rejuvenating alternatives.
Bharti Raizada