My learning Journey:
For the last twenty years, I have an inclination to adopt a child. However, I never worked dedicatedly toward this until recently. While exploring the adoption avenues, I realized that, the process is very long. I decided to go for mentoring in the meanwhile.
Mentoring:
Mentoring is very soul-satisfying work. The general perception is that elders mentor younger. However, in my opinion, anyone can mentor anyone. The mentors are trying to shape the thinking of mentees and show the path to mentees. Mentors do this through their experience and understanding. Everyone has some sort of experience and understanding, therefore everyone is eligible to do this.
Official mentoring programs have an application process, training requirements, interviews, etc. They will ask for lots of documents, background checks, and fingerprinting. They have a strict list of do's and don'ts. The mentor has to maintain good communication with the mentees' families and the match specialist/organization. There are preset goals for mentorship. These goals may be education, spiritual, emotional, career, skills, etc., or a combination. Matches may not work for various reasons like time schedules, differences of opinions, emotional vulnerabilities, meeting venues, logistics to meet, inability to express, communication skills, etc.
While going through this process, I realized that I do not necessarily need to enroll in the mentoring program. There are many opportunities to be a mentee or mentor throughout the day. We need to be vigilant about the possibilities and ready to devote time with honesty.
First, make a resolution that you will do this, then keep your eyes open for the opportunities. Whenever you find the opportunity, deliver it with full intention without bragging and feeling supercilious, elated, and entitled.
Both mentors and mentees learn different things in this relationship. Mentors also learn to be role models, accountability, communication skills, listening attitude, understanding attitude, empathy, etc.
Mentoring can be in person, 1:1, or 1:many. It can be distant also via phones or voice/video calls.
Mentoring vs coaching: Mentors guide the mentee and direct them toward the path. Coaches help trainees to reach their full potential. Mentoring is mostly voluntary, coaching is mostly paid. Coaching is mainly for one specific skill, mentoring may be for overall guidance.
Fostering and Adoption:
Adopt means to bring, accept, and embrace, someone new in your life and develop a relationship with that. This term is mainly used for adopting a child or pet. However, I believe that this word can be used for others also, like adopting an elderly, disabled, or differently able person, relatives/friends, neighbors, spouse, etc.
Adoption is an act of courage as it involves accepting someone with his baggage of karmas, sanskaras, relations, attitudes, etc., and considering him or her to be a part of your own family.
Adoption is a big decision as everyone in the family is affected by this. For example, if a lady adopts a child, her husband and biological children have to be a part of this process. The time which that lady gives to the adopted child is the time taken away from her husband and biological children. The husband is on the hook if legal separation or divorce happens at a later stage as he has to pay the child support (if applicable). Biological children now have one more shareholder in the parental inheritance and they have to share their space and things in the family. Without their wishes, they become brothers/sisters to a stranger and have to deal with whatever traits that adopted child has. If God forbid the lady dies, the adult biological child may morally be responsible for the guardianship of the adopted minor child.
Lady has an ethical responsibility to keep the adopted child in touch with his/her biological parents and siblings and facilitate meetings between them if appropriate. Another moral dilemma arises if the adopted child is from a different religion.
All family members have to navigate new relations, emotions, vulnerabilities, sharing, accepting, accommodating, respecting boundaries, finances, etc.
Approximately 20,000 children are waiting for adoption in DCFS (Department of Children and family services) in Illinois. Many of these are dealing with the trauma of separation from the family. A lot of these children are also going through the trauma of domestic violence, sexual abuse, disability, witnessing drug addiction, alcohol addiction, etc. They may also be suffering from emotional, developmental, or physical disability. Children waiting for adoption may have siblings in DCFS.
The longer it takes for a child to get adopted the harder it becomes. There are only a few parents who want to adopt an older child and children with disabilities. The chances of adoption are high when the child is younger. It is very traumatic if only one child from a group of siblings is adopted. Also, it is gut-wrenching when it comes to choosing a child from many. Are these childrens toys in a shop where we can pick any we like and return them if we figure out that expectations are not met? Can we ever forget the faces of those children whom we saw but decided not to adopt?
The adoption process is long, cumbersome, and requires a lot of paperwork, training, meetings, home inspection, licensing, background checks for all family members, fingerprinting, etc.
Then, there is a variable wait period for finding a match. The initial six months are considered fostering. When fostering period is over and everything is going on well then the adoption process starts. If things do not go well during fostering, the child has to go back to DCFS, and the same process for fostering starts again.
It is utterly traumatic for children to get bounced back from DCFS to home and DCFS back again for an unknown number of times.
Once the adoption process is final, the adopted child has all the rights as other biological children. They have the same rights in finances, inheritance, etc.
Families who adopt these children are doing a wonderful community sewa. Their love, time, relation, etc. has the power to change the life course of adopted children.
