Stages of Separation from Spouse:
- Shock, Unbelievability, Denial
- Anger, Fear, Pain
- Thinking period, introspection, Reflection
- Convincing spouse, Desperation
- Do things to please spouse
- Play victim
- Social withdrawal, Depression, Guilt
- Indifference
- Accept
- Look forward in life, Hope, Discover yourself
- Find someone to fill the void or Live alone
Separation can either give lifelong void or it can lead to new happy life by ending miseries and unheathy relationship.
Some reasons of separation:
Financial Cheating Different ideology Different passions Different temperament Different Libido DIfference in type, duration, frequency of sex Extended family issues Too much interference by relatives, friends Different opinions on raising kids Domestic violence; verbal, emotional, physical abuse Arguements and use of inappropriate or indecent language Incompatability Irreconciable differences Substance abuse Distance--long distance relationship Health related issues Cultural, religious differences Physical appearance, not maintaining the look, lethargy, lazziness Identity crisis Educational differences Inequality Mismatched expectations
How to cope:
- Analize the whole issue
- Accept the reality
- Contemplate if it was for your betterment
- Get back your self esteem and enthusiasm
- Develop self respect and compassion
- Be humble and respectful to spouse
- Find a new spouse
- Pursue your hobbies, passions
Things which can be done to save the marriage/relationship before it finally breaks:
- Find out the reasons and comtemplate if these are resolvable
- Figure out if there is a deep seated hurt and the reasons for it
- Acknowledge the feelings
- Say sorry and ask for forgiveness
- If it is a repetitive action/mistake, do something to affirm that it will not happen again
- Make time for each other
- Find out the needs of each other
- Figure out the expectations and whether those can be met
- If there is a misunderstanding clear the doubts completely with proofs
- Demonstrate the intentions to correct the actions which let to this stage
- Remember that actions speak louder than words
- Do not make fun of other's education, way of speaking, vocabulary, dress sense
- Secrets do not do any good. Hiding conversation with others, finances, contacts, etc. leads to loss of trust
- Stand for your spouse. Keeping quiet or silently observing is an indication that you are with the other party
- Avoid groups or parties where your spouse is not welcome
- Think if separation/divorce will solve the issue and you will get peace of mind
- Think if post divorce state is going to be better than the current situation
- Remember all marriages are not meant to be saved. Sometimes disoolving the marriage is the best option for everyone involved.
Bharti Raizada
